Mythbusters: Please investigate the myth, Kari Byron will you go out with me?

Dear Mythbusters (Adam, Jamie, Tori, Grant, and Kari):

You are always asking your loyal viewers (me) to submit myths for you to investigate. Here is one to which I think you might want to devote an entire episode. The myth is as follows:

Kari Byron, will you go out with me?

This is a classic myth, most likely originating from colonial America (or possibly while sitting on the couch with my cat on a particularly lonely saturday night). In this myth, a young man (me, Matt Decker) asks your very own Kari Byron to accompany him on a romantic outing. Kari then replies in the affirmative, and the two have a delightful evening. They have dinner at a local mediterranean restaurant, take in a show at an underground theatre, then stop off for drinks at a nearby bar. The myth ends with the possibility of a second date (please?).

Here are some suggestions on how you may want to break down this myth, and present it to your television viewers (me).

Part 1: Does Kari Byron exist?

-Since Kari is one of the Mythbusters, this should be fairly easy. MYTH CONFIRMED.

Part 2: Asking Kari on a date?

-This is more complicated--and potentially dangerous. Someone will have to ask her out. You could have Tori stand in as a stunt double, but that might be risky. I suggesting using some kind of "human analog," such as a pig carcass, ballistics gel mold, Buster the crash test dummy, or me (Matt Decker). Will she say yes? Well... I'm not a complete waste of a person, so, let's say "Plausible."

Part 3: Will they have a delightful evening?

-You will need to test the scientific basis for an enjoyable date. Not exactly sure how to go about it... but I would imagine it involves Grant building some robots. Alternatively, you could send Kari Byron on a date with me (Matt Decker). Grant's robots can come, too (but no third wheels).

Part 4: Adam and Jamie blow something up.

-Every myth seems to end in tiny bits scattered around the Alameda Sheriff's bomb range. Now, I'm not suggesting the explosion would be a metaphor for anything (I'm not that kind of guy, thank you very much). Just blow something up. It makes for good TV. Plus, I know how much Kari enjoys seeing things blow up. Some might even call it romantic (no one would call it romantic).

Well, Mythbusters, there you have it. A classic, timeless myth broke down into 4 easily presented segments. All that remains is for you to take the challenge (Please? I promise I'm not creepy. Really, I'm a really nice guy. Consider it?).

Sincerely,

Matt Decker.

Tips to avoiding pig flu.

Hi everybody!

Here are some exciting tips to avoid nasty pig flu badness.

1) Wash your hands. A lot. Every half-hour, on the half-hour. And not with tap water. Only use distilled water or rain water and grain alcohol. The fluoridation in the water is a key part of the communist pig flu conspiracy.

2) Burn everything you own. That'll show them. That'll show ALL of them.

3) Stop eating ham, pork chops, bacon, Canadian bacon (ham), Mexican bacon (especially MEXICAN bacon), pork rinds, copies of Charlotte's Web, Porky the Pig dolls, piggy banks, VHS copies of Porky's, Porky's II, and Porky's III: Porky's Revenge.

4) Get bird flu.

5) Run out in the streets screaming and flailing your arms. This will eliminate any chance of person-to-person transmission of the virus (or person-to-person dating).

6) Twite a tweet on twitter twabout twaking a twip two twee twour twoctor twor a twu twaccine.

7) Write a passionately worded letter to your congressman (or congresswoman) explaining how you are just trying to help by sending them a vial of what may or may not be the swine flu virus. They will appreciate this.

8) Throw tea in the nearest body of water. Everybody's doing it, so it must be good for something, right? I mean, it's not like they're just being mindless dittoheads feigning rage and carrying out a completely meaningless protest devoid of even the slightest understanding of symbolism...

9) Be an ass. People will avoid you.

10) Saran wrap. All over your body.

Your Friendly Guide to Robots' guide to avoiding the inevitable robot uprising.

you can't.

suckers.

Earth Day post.

Your Friendly Guide to Robots' List of Earth Day Activities:

1) Buy a Prius. Seriously. I promise the 2010 Prius isn't a transformer that will transform into a giant robot programed to lecture you on low-flow shower heads.... before enslaving the human race. I promise.

2) Compost... something. It doesn't matter what. Compost your neighbor's dog. Every time you compost something, a polar bear doesn't die. You don't want to kill polar bears, DO YOU?

3) Solve Global Warming. We'd all really appreciate it if you got on that one right away.

4) Don't shave. 364 days a year: you're lazy. 1 day a year: you're conserving water.

5) Give a slide show. You're going to want to get yourself a copy of Keynote (part of the 2009 iWork suite), put together a few dozen dramatic slides, then tour the country. I guarantee you'll win an Oscar, Nobel Prize, Grammy, Emmy, Pulitzer, and World's Greatest Dad... but not the Presidency. Sorry.

6) Recycle. Reusing old jokes counts, too.

7) Convert your cat's personal Hummer H2 to run on biofuel. Listen, house cats are our nation's number one consumer of petroleum products. It's time we woke up and did something about this.

8) Make a lame list. Double points if you make it about stuff to do on Earth day at 8:00 PM, when it is the least relevant. Triple points if you type everything in green.

9) Struggle to come up with a list of 10 things when you're tired and aren't really in a particularly witty mood... when you're just doing this because you feel like you should post something seeing as it's been about a month since you've last posted. You're really not very good at this blogging thing, are you?

10) Plant some organic tomatoes. Delicious.

New from The Weather Channel: 15 minute updates online.

Ladies and Gentlemen:

I would like to introduce to you the latest innovation in weather obsession: the weather channel 15 minute forecast. Tired of having to schedule your life around the weather on an hourly basis? Need to know if that rain is going to start at 8:30 or 8:45? Well, the good folks at weather.com have the solution.

Now, instead of TWC being wrong about sunny skies from 8 AM to 9 AM, they can be wrong about sunny skies at 8:00, 8:15, 8:30, 8:45, and 9:00!

Innovation is great!

comedy jokes--UCB takes on Prius backlash

The Upright Citizens Brigade (sketch comedy/improv troupe) in a fake car ad.

PS: Buy a prius.

Latest Casualty of the Economic Crisis? I hope so!

I'm not one to wish doom on anyone (other than, perhaps, Howie Mandel--as indicated in the previous post.... or Rush Limbaugh--as will most likely be indicated in a future post/daily conversation/cries of anger in my sleep). Today, though, I'm making an exception.

In these hard economic times, we don't know which hallowed financial institution will be next to fail. Will it be CitiGroup? Bank of America? What about Charles Schwab? I hope it's Charles Schwab. No, my ill will towards Charlie S has nothing to do with their investing practices (which I know nothing about), their management, their employees... I'm not even suggesting the Charles Schwab Corporation is in trouble. No, I want Chuck to go away because I simply can't bear to watch their commercials any more. ugh.

Seriously. They're really creepy. I think you will all agree.