Friday, September 26, 2008

As if I could watch the presidential debate without posting to my blog.

My comments on:

1) The Economy:
It really is quite amazing to think that a man who has spent his entire political promoting deregulation of the economy is suddenly calling for more accountability.  Sen McCain likes to go on and on and on about how he's a maverick and knows how to reform our regulatory system and get this economic crisis under control.....yet he seems to forget that the cornerstones of his economic policy (supply side--or "trickle down"--economics and deregulation) is largely responsible for the situation in which we now find ourselves.  McCain (and his chief economic advisor Lindsay "americans just need to stop whining about the economy" Graham) seem to think that the fundamentals of our economy are strong; that this problem doesn't warrant a dramatic restructuring of our regulatory system... at least he didn't earlier in the week.  Now, now that the polls are shifting out of his favor, he's changed his tune.  John McCain has proposed 300 billion dollars worth of tax cuts to major corporations (including $4B to oil companies), taxing medical benefits, and putting a spending freeze on everything except defense and veterans affairs.  Barack Obama proposes tax cuts for those earning less than $250,000 a year, closing corporate loopholes, eliminating tax cuts for oil, and taking a methodical approach to cutting government programs that don't work while strengthening those that do.  We need regulation, we need oversight, we need restraint.... but we can't afford to avoid energy, education, health care, and the like.

2) Energy: 
I want to discuss energy... but I'm too angry.  We'll talk about energy later.

3) National Security: 
John McCain thinks the biggest thing that can be learned from Iraq is that everything is fine.
John McCain thinks we shouldn't talk to our enemies without them first agreeing to whatever it is we want to talk about.

Obama thinks the biggest thing we can learn from Iraq is that we shouldn't go into a war with a country that hadn't attacked us; that an unnecessary war might actually put us in greater jeopardy.
Obama thinks diplomacy might be a good idea.

Oh, and I really want John McCain to respond to a question about Iraq without mentioning David Petraeus.

Now... we Americans like our elections to be divided into cut and dry dichotomies.... so here's one now:

John McCain is the past, Barack Obama is the future.  You can apply that distilled view of the 2008 presidential election to demographics (age and race), economic policies, energy policy, and national security.  If you firmly believe America's standing in the world isn't in need of improvement; if you think the fundamentals of our economy are strong; if you think we can use rusted tools to fix the intricate problems of the future.... you should vote for McCain.  God save this great country if he actually wins.






Monday, September 22, 2008

What I think as I rake leaves in my front yard.

This is kind of fun and relaxing.

This sucks.

I should have a really pretentious European party.  We can eat brie and drink wine. We can have pretentious drinking games... like... watching CNN and drinking every time they show a poor person.  No.  Watching Planet Green network and drinking every time they show a compact fluorescent light bulb, compost, Whole Foods, rain collection barrels, solar panels; or anytime someone mentions carbon footprint, Energy Star Appliances, green, or how being green is sooo 'easy' (plus one drink for the word 'green').

Hmm... I need to compost these leaves... it really is quite easy.

I'VE GOT BLISTERS ON ME FINGERS!

I need a band aid.

My lawn needs mowed... I'll do it tomorrow.

This really sucks.

I'm thirsty.

Wait... My shop vac has a detachable blower...  Why am I using a rake when I could be using a blower?

Wow, this blower really doesn't work very well.  What a waste of time.

My lawn actually looks worse now. . . crap.

I'm hungry.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Bigger is not Better

This morning, I'm sitting on my couch watching "Motorweek" on PBS.  Yeah, I'm that cool.  This week's review: The new Honda Fit.  What separates the new Honda Fit from its past brethren? 

Yup, it's bigger.

This is a trend that has been going on for, well, ever.  The new Fit is larger than the first generation Accord.  The new Accord is bigger than, um, a small battleship.  The original Toyota Camry is smaller than today's Corolla (by a scant 0.4 in).  The Mazda MX5: bigger than the previous Miata.

External dimensions don't particularly bother me, though.  Sure, smaller cars are more fun to drive and easier to park... Big deal.

The offender is not size, but weight.  The tiny corolla is considered svelte at a mere 2700-2900 lbs (which is actually quite good).  Compare that to the even smaller Fit: 2500-2600 lbs.  A Porsche 911: 3494 lbs.  3500lbs for a sports car?  That's grown quite a bit from the original 911's 2200 lbs.  Granted, I'd rather be in the modern day Porsche in an accident--that 1960's 911 wouldn't fare too well against a Chevy Suburban.  

Why is weight a big deal?  Let's take a look at Mr. Newton's 2nd law of motion.  

"The acceleration of an object as produced by a net force is directly proportional to the magnitude of the net force, in the same direction as the net force, and inversely proportional to the mass of the object."

This is more commonly simplified into the equation, Force = mass * acceleration.  There you have it.  Increase the mass, and you need more force to go.  In a car, that means less responsive steering, longer braking distances, and more gas.  

Now, naysayers will be sure to counter.  Sure, today's cars handle much, much better than their older (and lighter) counterparts... and they're faster, too.   But think how much faster, better they'd be if they weighed less...  And they'd use a lot less fuel.  

There it is.  If we want to save fuel (and reduce CO2), we need lighter vehicles.  Hybrids, electrics, diesels are all good... but we could add serious mpg by chopping off a few lbs.  

I'm not suggesting cutting out safety features (air bags, seat belts...they all add weight).  Given that, what do we do?  Make smaller cars (or at the very least, stop making them bigger).  The use of new technology (high strength steel, composites, plastics) can help, but they also may increase price.  Make more small cars.  Save money, save gas, have more fun (and still be safe).


Monday, September 15, 2008

You are cordially invited...

Dear Friend,

You are cordially invited to what will surely be one of the most magical of occasions: The 1st Annual Matt Decker Wood Chipper Ball.

Come join us for an exciting evening of dance, music, fine wine, and disposing of fallen tree branches.

Bring that special someone with you, and mulch away the evening together.

The party starts at 7PM, so don't be late.  Please bring your own wood chipper.

PS: This has nothing to do with the tree that was blown down in my back yard by the remnants of Hurricane Ike.


Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I (unsuccessfully) discuss two unrelated news stories, OR, "you can put lipstick on a pig, but that doesn't make it a planet-devouring black hole"

If you've been watching TV, listening to the radio, reading newspapers (as if anyone did that anymore), looking at legitimate blogs, looking at illegitimate blogs, etc... you've probably heard the (phony) outrage over Barack Obama's recent comment about the art of combining lipstick and pigs.  It goes something like this..
"That's not change.  You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig."

I'm paraphrasing... you get the idea.

Simple, common enough statement...right?  Perfectly innocent bit of good ol' American folkiness intended to make someone who's obviously an arrugla-loving, latte-sipping, volvo-driving, east coast tax and spend liberal appear down to earth to us ig'nrent common folk?  Apparently not.  Turns out, it's actually a horribly sexist comment about a certain former Mayor and PTA member of Wasilla, AK!  Boy, (girl?) it sure is a good thing that the Republicans are out there looking out for women's rights!!!

This has got to be one of the most ridiculous cases of false outrage I've ever seen.  Anyone who actually believes Obama was making some snarky reference to Ms Palin's side-splitting zinger about hockey moms and pitbulls is, well, an idiot.  The distinguished Senator from Arizona demands an apology from Obama.  Surprisingly, he's not demanding apologies from the following people:

1) Himself.  Using "the phrase" in reference to Hillary Clinton's health care plan earlier this year was horribly offensive and deeply hurt Sarah Palin's feelings.

2) Dick Cheney.  Using "the phrase" in reference to John Kerry back in 2004 was about as anti-women as it gets.

3) Barack Obama (again).  He's used "it" quite a bit.  THAT must've been his problem with Hillary voters. . .

4) Patrick O'Malley (pig farmer and lipstick aficionado). Really likes putting lipstick on pigs.

If you actually--deep down in your oh so tender heart--believe that Governor Palin deserves an apology... you deserve to be taken to Switzerland and thrown underground right in the middle of CERN's Large Hadron Collider, where you'll be bombarded by tiny particles traveling at the speed of light for the rest of eternity.

Yeah... CERN (the European Organization for Nuclear Research... which apparently gives the acronym C E R N... France, this is why you can't win wars) just flipped the proverbial switch on the multi-billion dollar (slightly less multi-billion euro) Large Hadron Collider--the biggest particle collider IN THE WORLD!  It's a big, round thingy under ground that collides Hadrons, obviously... And it ain't one of those sissy hadron colliders you had in kindergarten. Oh no no no... this one is LARGE.  Some people were all freaked out because it COULD have created a mini black hole that probably would have devoured the Earth.  But, it didn't.  Technically, it COULD have also created a magical flying dragon.  That would have been much neater.

Anyway... Since the Republicans obviously aren't going to let this pig-lipstick (I'm calling it Pigstick-gate) thing go, what can Barack Obama possibly say in its place?

Here are some suggestions:

1) "You can put windmills in your campaign commercials, but that doesn't mean you have anything in your energy policy that would even remotely promote their construction."

2) "You can put lipstick on a pitbull, but that doesn't make it someone who should be one heartbeat away from the presidency after being governor for 20 months of a state of 600,000 and mayor of a town of 9,000." (probably shouldn't use that one)

3) "You can say you said 'thanks but no thanks' to a bridge but that doesn't mean you didn't support it and eventually take the money anyway... No... on second thought, please stop saying that.  I'm really, REALLY, tired of hearing about it."

4) "You can call yourself a Maverick, but that doesn't make you a Top Gun... And, seriously, you probably should avoid any potential comparisons to Tom Cruise at all costs.  He's wacko."

5) "I could say something folksey about doing one thing to something else and it not making any difference, but instead I'm going to have an intelligent discussion about how I'm going to fix the economy, solve the energy question, secure our nation, cure cancer, feed the hungry, heal lepers, and turn water into wine--that can eventually be turned into ethanol fuel."

6) "You can fein outrage over a stupid statement thus diverting media airtime from real issues, but that doesn' t mean your party has done anything to advance women's rights... and it doesn't mean  you people weren't making sexist comments about Hillary throughout the democratic primary (I'm looking at you, Fox News)."

7) "You can write a bunch of crap on a blog on the internet, but that doesn't mean anyone will ever read it."

Sunday, September 7, 2008

What I'm thinking as I watch the Belgian Grand Prix (with commercials)

Damn... belgium is pretty.

I want to move to belgium.

WOW! Excellent start for Jarno Trulli in the Toyota. Go Toyota!

Dammit, Trulli. Why can't you keep your car on the F*ing road. Toyota sucks.

YEAAAAAAH KIMI!!!! GO GO GO GO GO YEAHHH!!!!

I hate this stupid Castrol GTX commercial. Hate it. It's stupid.

I wish I had a cool Finnish name like Kimi Raikkonen or Heikki Kovalainen.

Wow... Belgium is really, really pretty.

I need more coffee.

I want a Ferrari. Why don't I have a Ferrari?

Wow... Hamilton... Really? You're pitting already?? Man, that's unfortunate.

Well done, Ferrari. Nice pit stop.

You suck, Trulli. Toyota needs drivers that don't suck.

Wow. Sebastian Bourdais' wife is hot.

I wish I were a Formula 1 race car driver.

This is WAAAAAAAAAY better than NASCAR. Why don't more Americans like this? Is it because it's European? That must be it.

Why would I want to watch a TV show about truckers driving on ice? And what the hell does that have to do with history? Come on, History Channel... I'm very disappointed in you.

wraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabwraaaaaaaaaaaaaaa beuuuu beuuuu beuuuu pqheawwwww wraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (that's what a F1 car sounds like)

Stupid wrangler jeans commercial. I hate Dale Earnhardt Jr. NASCAR is stupid. Stupid.

*thought in a french accent* Spa Francorchamps.

Your mom has a bit too much heat in HER tires. Booya!

Wooooooo ferrari!

Rain? Yes, please rain. please please please please please.

Whoever says racecar drivers (at least at this level of motorsport) aren't atheletes obviously doesn't know what it's like to have 5 times the force of gravity pushing on one side of your head, then switching to the other in about .3 seconds....19 times a lap, 40~50 laps in a race. I'm pretty sure that would make my head fall off. Nevermind the task of wrangling a 1200 lb car with 900 break horsepower and 3000 lb of downforce around a 4.5 mile circuit. No wonder these guys get paid a million dollars a week.

Noooooo... Go Kimi! Hamilton is catching up to you! GO GO GO GO GO!

258 km/hr... how fast is that..? 160.313768 mph. Thank's google.

160.313768 mph is awfully fast to be going around a corner.

Yes, KIMI! FASTER FASTER FASTER!

Ugh... Toyota... Why? Why can't you not suck?

6 laps to go... and it might be raining?? Wheeeeeeee!

Nooo Kimi. GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO!

Raaaaaaaaaaaaain?

Wow... it is raining.... with 3 laps to go!!!

NOOOOOOONONONONONONONONONONONO! awww... man.

C'mon Raikkonen.... GO GO GO GO GO. PASS HAMILTON!

NOOOOOOOOOOO!

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOOOO NOOOOOO!!!!!~!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OHHNOOOOO AWWWWWW NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... 2 LAPS TO GO AND KIMI CRASHES!!!! STUPID RAIN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

holy god, it's raining hard. 1 lap to go, can't stop for wet tires!

Ugh. Well, I guess that was a good race for Hamilton and McLaren....

Wow. Nick Heidfeld. 3rd place after switching to intermediate tires. Nicely done.

Wow. Alonso pass for 4th at the line. neat.

Pooor, poor kimi. poor kimi. :( I guess that's probably means you won't be getting your 2nd World Championship this year. :.( Boooo.

At least Massa finished 2nd for Ferrari... I guess that's good.

Good job, Lewis Hamilton. You are quite a driver. Simply amazing.

Cool. The President of the Belgian Senate (and presenter of the 1st Place trophy) is named Decker. Neat.

Good job Felipe Massa. Indeed.

I really want to spray champagne over a screaming crowd. Is that too much to ask?

Friday, September 5, 2008

I want an otter.

I mean... who doesn't?

Thursday, September 4, 2008

No.. no.. no..

Dear Republicans/Fox News commentators:

You cannot personally make sexist comments about Hillary Clinton, then complain about sexism in the media when you field a woman.

You cannot call a governor who was mayor of Richmond, Lt Gov of Virginia, and then Governor of Virginia for 20 months dangerous inexperienced, then nominate the mayor of Wasila and Governor of Alaska for 20 months.

You cannot complain about moral bankruptcy associate with teenage pregnancy, then tell everyone to back off when your Veep nominee has a pregnant daughter.

Maybe you should start watching The Daily Show.  You really do look like idiots.

Kisses,
Decker.

PS: Please stop lying about Barack Obama's taxation policies.  The people at factcheck.org are probably getting tired of correcting you.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Huckabee Confessions?

Breaking news from the Republican National Convention.  Mike Huckabee just made a startling revelation about his past--especially when taken out of context.

"It wasn't until college that I found out that it's not supposed to hurt when you take a shower."

Other highlights:

McCain was a POW. 

"He can't even lift his arms above his shoulder," Huckabee on McCain.

Obligatory mention of "Hope, Arkansas" in Mike Huckabee's speech.

Oh, there's a black guy!

Mike Huckabee promises John McCain will let you have as much or as little air in your tires as you want.

Guy dressed as Abraham Lincoln? check.

Republicans like cowboy hats.

John McCain PERSONALLY fought the VietCong for Mike Huckabee's school desk. True story.

Mitt Romney successfully accepted the GOP nomination for president in 2012.

Mitt Romney mentioned Ronald Regan.

Mitt Romney is kind of a dick.

Mitt Romney doesn't care, he's gonna go be president of his own country.

My cat is meowing. A lot.

Hawaii's governor is a woman and a Republican.  Apparently she was too qualified to be vice president.

Sarah Palin gave a speech about energy (read: oil) AND gave birth to a baby in the SAME DAY.  (Beat that, Biden!)

The Republicans are shouting "zero."  I'm not really sure why.  I kinda zoned out and started reading my friend Eli's blog- Link

Sarah Palin's term as mayor of Wasilla, AK and 20 months as governor makes her qualified to be President--more qualified than John McCain.

"You can fit 200 states the size of Delaware in the state of Alaska." (Take THAT, Biden!)

"Sarah Palin can reach out to independents, young people, and women" by being staunchly against everything they stand for.

Washington is broken... McCain has been meaning to fix it... he just hasn't gotten around to it yet.

PBS likes talking to historians to place tonight's speeches in an historical context.  pinkos.

Woah... another black guy.

Rudy Giuliani mentions "liberal media."

Obligatory "USA, USA" chants.

Rudy Giuliani mentions Ronald Regan.

Rudy Giuliani is making fun of Barack Obama "working" as a "community organizer"

Rudy Giuliani is kind of a dick.

Hey, there's an old white guy.

"Hope is dumb" -Rudy Giuliani (paraphrased).

Rudy Giuliani thinks all followers of Islam are terrorists?!?

Rudy Giuliani mentions 9/11 (WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)

Rudy Giuliani mentions Ronald Regan.

Being popular makes you qualified for president--but only if you're a republican governor.

Sarah Palin's husband races "snow machines."

ugh... I can't do this.

Brilliant.

soto_56.jpg

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

GOP to add Anti-Moose Plank to Party Platform

(ST. PAUL)
In what many are considering a groundbreaking move, the GOP announced Tuesday that they would be adopting an Anti-Moose plank into their official party platform. This marks the first time in modern history that a major political party has taken a stand against a specific land-based mammal. Presumptive GOP Vice-Presidential nominee Gov Sarah Palin spoke to a cheering convention hall on Tuesday.

"Many consider the great and majestic moose to be the number one threat to national security. It is about time someone did something about that!" The Governor said, proudly wearing a tasteful pantsuit made of moose skins and polar-bear feet. "Senators Barack Obama and Joe Biden just don't have what it takes to address the moose problem in America. Who does? I do. A working mother from Alaska. Yup yup," she continued.

John McCain spent today meeting with the governors of gulf states affected by Hurricane Gustav. He addressed this specific issue in a speech given before a convention of the National Association of Catfish Farmers in Tupelo, MS.

"My friends, if there is one thing we can all agree on--from laid-off factory workers in Cleveland to struggling farmers in Iowa--it's that there are too many moose, er, mooses? miece? Any animal with such an ambiguous plural form just isn't American. My friends, where was I? Oh yes, thank you. My friends, I'm not suggesting Barack Obama would tax your American flags and give the money to Big Moose...but that's exactly what he would do. That's not change you can believe in. My friends." McCain then embarked on a long and wandering story about how "kids these days" and "confounded machines" just don't get it.

Analysts on both sides of the isle are mixed in their response. David Brooks, conservative columnist for the New York Times, responded with a befuddled gaze when asked for comment. Republican strategist and Fox News contributor William Kristol lauded the decision as being "brilliant" and "awe inspiring." Democratic stratigist James Carville could not be understood.

The Obama campaign is expected to officially respond later today, when Barack Obama plans to descend from the heavens upon a fallen moose and resurrect it.

Moose representatives could not be reached for comments.