Some Lima, OH related plot ideas for the new FOX musical comedy "Glee."

Wednesday night, Fox aired the pilot episode of a new musical comedy (which won't actually air again until the fall. Clearly, Fox is thinking). The new show, entitled "Glee," chronicles the "glee club" at a high school set in the fictional city of Lima, OH. (Or is it a fictional highschool set in the real city of Lima, OH? I didn't actually watch the show.)

As a former fictional resident of that fictional city, it is my civic duty to suggest some plot ideas that will tie the show to the rich heritage that is Lima.

Episode 101: Beans.

Faced with a dwindling economy, declining population, increased crime, failing schools, and crumbling infrastructure, the Glee club must search for a way to revitalize itself. The club considers a number of potential options, before finally settling on one clear winner: choosing a mascot. "Clearly, a mascot is what this club is missing. It will solve all our problems."

The mascot is a giant bean, who may or may not be stoned. Beanie.

Episode 112: No, seriously guys, everyone will get this.

The Glee club sings at Square Fair while eating Kewpees outside of Memorial Hall before taking a dip in the Schoonover Park pool. After that, the gang grabs some Joey's subs, then splits up. Some get caught snooping around the abandoned TB hospital. Others hang out near the refinery for no apparent reason. Someone gets pregnant.

The next day, the show is cancelled for airing an entire episode about things no one outside of Lima would care about.

Episode 104: The new guy.

Ratings falling, the shows producers bring on a new character: an extremely attractive, intelligent, and funny cellist/actor. He is incredibly awesome and obviously saves the Glee club with is immeasurable talents. Also, he is rich and has a lot of sex with hot girls. In the future, we seem in win an Academy Award, Nobel Peace Prize, and a Grammy (just for the hell of it). He saves the world and makes (even more) money by inventing a car that runs on sarcasm.

Also, he hangs out a lot with Steve Carell, Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, and Tina Fey. Oh, and there's lots of sex.

I'll take my royalty checks any day now.

Thanks.