New from The Weather Channel: 15 minute updates online.

Ladies and Gentlemen:

I would like to introduce to you the latest innovation in weather obsession: the weather channel 15 minute forecast. Tired of having to schedule your life around the weather on an hourly basis? Need to know if that rain is going to start at 8:30 or 8:45? Well, the good folks at weather.com have the solution.

Now, instead of TWC being wrong about sunny skies from 8 AM to 9 AM, they can be wrong about sunny skies at 8:00, 8:15, 8:30, 8:45, and 9:00!

Innovation is great!

comedy jokes--UCB takes on Prius backlash

The Upright Citizens Brigade (sketch comedy/improv troupe) in a fake car ad.

PS: Buy a prius.

Latest Casualty of the Economic Crisis? I hope so!

I'm not one to wish doom on anyone (other than, perhaps, Howie Mandel--as indicated in the previous post.... or Rush Limbaugh--as will most likely be indicated in a future post/daily conversation/cries of anger in my sleep). Today, though, I'm making an exception.

In these hard economic times, we don't know which hallowed financial institution will be next to fail. Will it be CitiGroup? Bank of America? What about Charles Schwab? I hope it's Charles Schwab. No, my ill will towards Charlie S has nothing to do with their investing practices (which I know nothing about), their management, their employees... I'm not even suggesting the Charles Schwab Corporation is in trouble. No, I want Chuck to go away because I simply can't bear to watch their commercials any more. ugh.

Seriously. They're really creepy. I think you will all agree.

That is NOT "Howie" do it...

Listen, Howie Mandel... I was okay with you hosting deal vs deal, or who wants to be a banker... or whatever the hell that show was called.... but your latest endeavour? Please stop.

thanks.

Oh, and I did spell "endeavour" with a u. That's how strongly I feel about this issue.

Stop. just stop. Now.

thanks again.

I'll stimulate YOUR economy

Dear Republicans:

I know a lot of you are worked up about this stimulus package, going on about how it will be a "disaster" and calling it the "greatest theft perpetrated on our future generations."  With all due respect, shut up.  Thanks.

Listen.  You guys do know that you lost, right?  Usually, that's a sign that people are, um, upset with what you've been doing.  Namely, your policies.  They suck.  I know you like tax cuts... especially when they go to rich people.  But, tax cuts don't stimulate the economy.  70% of our GDP is consumer spending.  Consumers aren't spending, banks aren't lending.  People have lost jobs, and lost savings.  Sometimes, you need the government to act when consumers won't.  

Let me give you an example:

Imagine you're a.... plumber.  You're having some tough times.  Sure, you've been able to supplement your income by moonlighting as a political anylist (as all plumbers do from time to time), but you're still having trouble paying the bills... so you have to lay-off one of your workers... let's call him, Bill the Unemployed.

Bill has a family of 4 (Jane the Wife, Jimmie the Boy, Suzie the Q... oh, and Juanita the Undocumented Housekeeper).  Jane the Wife, a teacher at a public school, is now the sole bread-winner for the family (everybody likes winning bread).  But, because she's a teacher--and school funding is for commies--she doesn't make enough to feed her family.  Sad, I know.

Then, one day Bill gets a check in the mail.  It's a tax refund.  Now, Bill could use this $300 to buy that Blu-Ray player he wanted.  OR, Bill could save it to offset the pension that he now no longer has.  Which do you think Bill is going choose?

See, therein lies the problem with tax cuts as an economic stimulus.  Tax cuts only work to stimulate the economy if the tax cut is spent by the consumers, and not saved/used to pay off debt.  Last spring, only about a third of Bush's tax rebate was actually spent.  Not a very effective stimulus, is it?

What about business tax cuts?

Let's say you're... um... someone who owns a store that sells annoying political cliches.  You get a tax break from the government to expand your cliche business.  Just one problem: no one is buying your annoying political cliches?  Are you going to take that tax money, expand your business, hire more people, and make more annoying political cliches that no one wants to buy?  Not if you actually plan to stay in business.  Supply and demand, boys... Supply and demand.

See, tax cuts don't work.  They sure do make you feel warm and fuzzy inside (and a payroll tax reduction , but they don't stimulate an ailing economy.

So what should we do?  How about we take the opportunity to rebuild some schools?  Making buildings more energy efficient would be a great idea, AND it would save money in the long run.  Oh, you know that energy crisis thing?  Man, wouldn't it be great if there were someone out there to pay people to make windmills and solar panels?

Look, John Maynard Keynes was right, and you're wrong.  Deal with it.  Spend money now, when no one else can... You might just save what little economy we have left, and make America a better place along the way.

Dear Match.com...

Dear Match.com:

This letter is in regards to the "your new matches" e-mail sent at 1:06 AM on Thrusday, the 29th of January.

In this e-mail, you provided the usernames and pictures of a number of no doubt highly qualified matches, all of whom you ranked at higher than 80%.  I'm sure you saw some quality in each of these potential future Mrs Matt Deckers, and I appreciate the effort.  However, there is one so-called "match" that I must question.  Do you really, honestly, truly believe that NurseEmGOP is a 90% match?  Do you know me at all?

Let's analyze this...

1) Her username is NurseEmGOP.  Yes, GOP... as in "Grand Old Party."  The Republicans.  Team Elephant.  Gay for Regan.  Etc.  

Why would you even suggest that??

2) Now, let's delve a bit deeper into her profile.  Politics: Conservative.  My profile: Liberal.  Religion of her Ideal match: Christian (actually, she listed Christian/Catholic; Christian/LDS; Christian/Protestant; and Christian/Other.  That's very specific).  My religion: none!! She wants three kids.  I say I only want 1 (and even that is a stretch).  Her last read: a biography of Sarah Palin.  I reiterate, a biography of SARAH PALIN!  Just for kicks, let's see what I have listed.  I am America (and so can you) and The Audacity of Hope.  Really, Match.com?  Do you really think someone who read books by Stephen Colbert and Barack Obama would be interested in someone who found Sarah Palin interesting enough to read a book about her?

Match.com, I am very disappointed in you.  I thought you knew me.   If you're trying to get me back, Match.com, this isn't the way to do it.  We're through.  You can give up now.  

With Love,

Decker

PS: Really?  Sarah Palin?? Come on.

25 songs I kind of like: a list I made months ago and probably no longer agree with.

Several months ago, a friend (Linton) challenged me to make a list of my 25 favorite songs. Note: that's FAVORITE, not BEST. Songs on this list do not always represent the best of that artist's work.

Here's the list I came up with.

1) Norwegian Wood (the beatles)
2) Desolation Row (Bob Dylan)
3) 6 suites for cello - prelude (JS Bach, performed by Yo Yo Ma)
4) Superstition (Stevie Wonder)
5) Summertime Blues (The Who)
6) Love in Vein (The Rolling Stones)
7) 20th Century Fox (The Doors)
8) Short Skirt, Long Jacket (Cake)
9) 'Round Midnight (Miles Davis)
10) center of attention (guster)
11) Rhapsody in Blue (George Gershwin)
12) Sleeping in (the postal service)
13) Comes Love (Billie Holiday)
14) Mannish Boy (Muddy Waters)
15) Cowgirl in the Sand (Neil Young)
16) The Fitted Shirt (Spoon)
17) Tokyo Storm Warning (Elvis Costello)
18) Traveling Riverside Blues (Robert Johnson)
19) I'm not like everybody else (The Kinks)
20) Purple Haze (Kronos Quartet)
21) Why do you let me stay here (She and Him)*
22) When I Paint my Masterpiece (The Band)*
23) Hitchin' a Ride (Green Day)
24) Appalacia Waltz [entire album] (Yo Yo Ma, Mark O'Connor, Edgar Meyer)
25) I Just Wasn't Made for these Times (The Beach Boys)

Now let's be perfectly honest here. This list is crap. Sure, my top 7 are solid, but after that I was basically just trying to fill spaces. Do I honestly think "Why do you let me stay here" is better than "When I paint my masterpiece?" No. I wouldn't even say I like "why do you let me stay here" better than "When I paint my masterpiece." Let's fix that right now.

*Amended list:
21) When I Paint my Masterpiece (The Band)
22) Why do you let me stay here (She and Him)

Okay... and while I'm at it, let's move "I just wasn't made for these times" up a few spaces. Hmm... better. Now add "A Day in the Life" (The Beatles), "Tangled up in Blue" (Dylan), and "19th Nervous Breakdown" (Rolling Stones). Getting closer. Oh, and I'll also need the Hendrix cover of "All Along the Watchtower," Dvorak's Cello Concerto, The Who's "My Generation," "Something" by The Beatles... and the following albums: Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Highway 61 Revisited, Exile on Main St, and The Who: Live at Leeds.

Also... have you heard Fleet Foxes? They're really good.

sigh. I'm not very good at this.


Next up: The Movie Game. I'll probably get around to doing that sometime in July.