I attempt to instal the Windows 7 Release Candidate

Fed up with Windows Vista, I decided it was time to see what all this Windows 7 fuss is about. Haven't heard of Windows 7? Yeah, me neither. Nevertheless, I'm throwing caution to the wind and installing it on my PC (don't worry Apple fans, my MacBook is safe).

Turns out, Microsoft is practically giving away free copies of Windows 7 (in the sense that they are actually giving away free copies) for trial before the official release. I downloaded mine sunday night.

There are two versions-- x86 (for 32-bit processors) and x64 (for 64-bit processors). Turns out, I actually have a 64 bit processor.... So I'll be installing that. wheeeee.

First thing's first: I backed up my music, movies, and photos onto my 1 TB external HD. Sorry, saved games. You get to experience the wrath of a reformat.

Yes, that R word. Reformat. When 64-bit processors first came out, the device support wasn't all that great... so I went with the 32-bit Vista. You can upgrade from a 32-bit vista install to a 32-bit Windows 7 install without reformatting... but you can't go 32 to 64. That's okay... I needed to clean my hard drive anyway. . .

The download comes in the form of an .ISO file. You need some kind of DVD burning software to write an .ISO to DVD. I used a freebie from download.com. The burning was surprisingly quick.

Next step was to restart the computer and boot from the DVD drive. After a brief wait, a pretty blue screen (not of death) appeared. After a rather longish wait, a dialogue box greeted me. What language? English, please.

And that brings us all up to date with everything that has happened up to this point. Comments will now be in real time.

I'm now presented with a dialogue box prompting me to install. I have a big button "Install Now" and two smaller text links ("What to know before installing Windows," and "Repair your computer"). Guess which one I chose.

"Setup is starting..."

I like that Microsoft chose to tag an ellipse onto that. Gives a sense of anticipation.

Now, I wait. Holy crap! something just happened.

"Please read the license terms." Um, no. I'll just blindly click "I accept" like everyone else.

Good news, Everybody! apparently I don't have to reformat. Windows 7 installer will just copy all my vista files into something called Windows.old. I think this is kind of like what the bankruptcy courts did to GM and Chrysler. . . Just think of Vista as my PC's "toxic assets."

Now... more waiting. A lot more waiting. Many more ellipses, too. No estimate on how long the installation will take. Glad Microsoft finally gave up on that.

Time to take out the recycling and possibly fold laundry. I'll let you, my faithful reader (singular), know how things turn out (with the windows... not the laundry).

An Amerikajin in Toyotashi, Part San

Day 3,4

Apparently dining in Japan is a lot like being a contestant on "Fear Factor." I've eaten sparrow. I've eaten what may or may not have been living squid. I've eaten Yuba with sea urchin sauce and salmon roe (ovaries). Delicious, all of them.

I would be the worst "fear factor" contestant ever.

Cars in Japan are quite different. They have two categories: one for normal cars, one for really tiny "kei" cars. The Kei cars are small, powered by engines of less than 1 Litre displacement, and don't even come close to meeting any safety standards. I want one.

Working with a considerable language barrier is somewhat difficult; my new favorite word is "wakarimasen" (I don't understand). I have a Japanese phrase book... Unfortunately, there are surprisingly few phrases related to making bumpers in that book.

Day, um... I'm finishing this a good 3 weeks since returning from Japan... Overall, the trip was good... minus the being stuck in detroit for 8 hours. I hate you, Delta.

Didn't find a Jinglish t-shirt for Leigh... guess that means I'll have to go back.

Oh... important lesson learned: Never drink with Australians--in ANY country.

An Amerikajin in Toyotashi, Volume II

21:49 June 16.

Woke up early today to lound, unfamilar sounds. Might have been a godzilla attack. CNN International reported none.

Met a frenchman today. Thought about conversing in french, but decided the odds of our conversation dipping into "Ou est la biblioteque" were slim at best.

Worked all day. Motomachi plant is huge. The doors are all very polite--they greet you with a delightful female voice.

Bumpers did not go well. I demanded we try again tomorrow. It is hard to not look like an asshole when you are making request in a foreign language.

Ate at what I'm sure is the number one foreign bar in all of Toyota City. Kevin's is owned by a husband and wife team... they are delightful. I ate the sparrow and the squid. Kevin suggested I man not, in fact, be american. He suggested I was an alien instead. He might be right.

Sparrow tasted crunchy and adorable. I hope it was the same bird that followed me around CVG and DTW. take THAT, bird.

Japanese beer is surprisingly potent... and delicious. I think I'm going to bed.

sayonara.

An Amerikajin in Toyotashi, day 1

It's 21:12 (9:12 PM), Monday, 15 June, 2009.

Arrived yesterday evening. 13 hour flight was... ok. I think my seat was made of plywood. Chose not to watch the movies ("He's Just Not That Into You" and "Hotel for Dogs"). Watched "Juno" on my iPod--great movie. Managed to get from Airport to Hotel without causing international incident. Good Job.

Hotel is very nice. Room is tiny, but with good view of the sprawling Toyota City below. I think room may be a robot. Bathroom is nice. Toilet is a another robot. Small control panel on side of toilet controls heated seat, "bidet", "spray", and water pressure. There is a warning sticker on my mirror... It is written in Kanji, so I cannot read. I assume it says "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear."

Shower head is level with my nose. Also, I have two bottles of ambiguous hair care product: Hair Tonic and Hair Liquid. One is blue, one is green.

Hotel has beer vending machine. I will use this.

Had a "free" day today, spent mostly reviewing paperwork and talking online to new friend Amanda. Watched CNN International, decided all news anchors should have english accents. Had a sandwich for breakfast--I think it was 80% mayonaise. Delicious.

Went for a walk/food hunt around noon. Tall, white, hairy guy with sunglasses blends right in... Bought some pens (co-worker said Japan has neat pens). Ate something with noodles and what may be pork. Delicious. Stopped by convenience store--much creepy Japanese porn on display. Very convenient. Bought some "Black Black" chewing gum with "Hi-Technical Excellent Taste and Flavor." Tastes like a mint fist punching you in the face, followed by a soothing herbal flavor. "Hi-Technical," indeed. Robot status of chewing gum pending judgement.

Found a Japanese toy story--I will go there. Goodbye money.

Took an epic nap. It was nice.

Tomorrow is first day of bumper trials. The excitement will never end.

Weather says high of 26 deg C with 60% chance of thunderstorms in the afternoon. 30% chance of Mothra attack.

Best news headline ever.

CNN reporting:

2 dead, 1 missing after Slim Jim plant blast.

-This is why I don't eat slim jims.

I give a completely professional, unbiased review of the new Palm Pre smartphone.

OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN THIS IS SOOOO AWESOME. LOOK HOW COOL IT IS IT'S ALL BLACK AND SHINY AND FITS IN THE PLAM OF MY HAND PLUS IT MULTITASKS AND HAS GPS AND WI FI AND COMBINES ALL OF MY CONTACTS FROM GOOGLE, FACEBOOK, ETC. SUPER AWESOME YEAH WOOHOO AWESOME. SUCK IT IPHONE.

Things my cat will eat, in order of preference.

Things my cat will eat (in order of preference).

1. Plastic bags

2. Plastic, other

3. Houseplants

4. Toilet paper rolls, full

5. My MacBook*

6. My calves, when I first wake up (the earlier, the better)

7. Important bills/tax documents

8. Toilet paper rolls, bare

9. Paper, miscellaneous

10. Rice flakes cereal

11. Bugs, spiders, spiderwebs**

12. Cardboard boxes

13. Miniature Transformers action figures

14. That overpriced pet grass that supposedly will keep cats from eating houseplants

15. Anything I'm eating

16. Cat food

*Includes MacBook magnetic power cord.

**Unless I actually want him to eat a spider.

Some Lima, OH related plot ideas for the new FOX musical comedy "Glee."

Wednesday night, Fox aired the pilot episode of a new musical comedy (which won't actually air again until the fall. Clearly, Fox is thinking). The new show, entitled "Glee," chronicles the "glee club" at a high school set in the fictional city of Lima, OH. (Or is it a fictional highschool set in the real city of Lima, OH? I didn't actually watch the show.)

As a former fictional resident of that fictional city, it is my civic duty to suggest some plot ideas that will tie the show to the rich heritage that is Lima.

Episode 101: Beans.

Faced with a dwindling economy, declining population, increased crime, failing schools, and crumbling infrastructure, the Glee club must search for a way to revitalize itself. The club considers a number of potential options, before finally settling on one clear winner: choosing a mascot. "Clearly, a mascot is what this club is missing. It will solve all our problems."

The mascot is a giant bean, who may or may not be stoned. Beanie.

Episode 112: No, seriously guys, everyone will get this.

The Glee club sings at Square Fair while eating Kewpees outside of Memorial Hall before taking a dip in the Schoonover Park pool. After that, the gang grabs some Joey's subs, then splits up. Some get caught snooping around the abandoned TB hospital. Others hang out near the refinery for no apparent reason. Someone gets pregnant.

The next day, the show is cancelled for airing an entire episode about things no one outside of Lima would care about.

Episode 104: The new guy.

Ratings falling, the shows producers bring on a new character: an extremely attractive, intelligent, and funny cellist/actor. He is incredibly awesome and obviously saves the Glee club with is immeasurable talents. Also, he is rich and has a lot of sex with hot girls. In the future, we seem in win an Academy Award, Nobel Peace Prize, and a Grammy (just for the hell of it). He saves the world and makes (even more) money by inventing a car that runs on sarcasm.

Also, he hangs out a lot with Steve Carell, Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, and Tina Fey. Oh, and there's lots of sex.

I'll take my royalty checks any day now.

Thanks.

Pick Fives you won't find on Facebook.

• Five favorite STDs.
• Five favorite irrational numbers.
• Five terrifying things found under the couch in that disgusting house you lived in senior year of college.
• Top five ways to count to five.
• Five favorite facebook pick fives.

Mythbusters: Please investigate the myth, Kari Byron will you go out with me?

Dear Mythbusters (Adam, Jamie, Tori, Grant, and Kari):

You are always asking your loyal viewers (me) to submit myths for you to investigate. Here is one to which I think you might want to devote an entire episode. The myth is as follows:

Kari Byron, will you go out with me?

This is a classic myth, most likely originating from colonial America (or possibly while sitting on the couch with my cat on a particularly lonely saturday night). In this myth, a young man (me, Matt Decker) asks your very own Kari Byron to accompany him on a romantic outing. Kari then replies in the affirmative, and the two have a delightful evening. They have dinner at a local mediterranean restaurant, take in a show at an underground theatre, then stop off for drinks at a nearby bar. The myth ends with the possibility of a second date (please?).

Here are some suggestions on how you may want to break down this myth, and present it to your television viewers (me).

Part 1: Does Kari Byron exist?

-Since Kari is one of the Mythbusters, this should be fairly easy. MYTH CONFIRMED.

Part 2: Asking Kari on a date?

-This is more complicated--and potentially dangerous. Someone will have to ask her out. You could have Tori stand in as a stunt double, but that might be risky. I suggesting using some kind of "human analog," such as a pig carcass, ballistics gel mold, Buster the crash test dummy, or me (Matt Decker). Will she say yes? Well... I'm not a complete waste of a person, so, let's say "Plausible."

Part 3: Will they have a delightful evening?

-You will need to test the scientific basis for an enjoyable date. Not exactly sure how to go about it... but I would imagine it involves Grant building some robots. Alternatively, you could send Kari Byron on a date with me (Matt Decker). Grant's robots can come, too (but no third wheels).

Part 4: Adam and Jamie blow something up.

-Every myth seems to end in tiny bits scattered around the Alameda Sheriff's bomb range. Now, I'm not suggesting the explosion would be a metaphor for anything (I'm not that kind of guy, thank you very much). Just blow something up. It makes for good TV. Plus, I know how much Kari enjoys seeing things blow up. Some might even call it romantic (no one would call it romantic).

Well, Mythbusters, there you have it. A classic, timeless myth broke down into 4 easily presented segments. All that remains is for you to take the challenge (Please? I promise I'm not creepy. Really, I'm a really nice guy. Consider it?).

Sincerely,

Matt Decker.

Tips to avoiding pig flu.

Hi everybody!

Here are some exciting tips to avoid nasty pig flu badness.

1) Wash your hands. A lot. Every half-hour, on the half-hour. And not with tap water. Only use distilled water or rain water and grain alcohol. The fluoridation in the water is a key part of the communist pig flu conspiracy.

2) Burn everything you own. That'll show them. That'll show ALL of them.

3) Stop eating ham, pork chops, bacon, Canadian bacon (ham), Mexican bacon (especially MEXICAN bacon), pork rinds, copies of Charlotte's Web, Porky the Pig dolls, piggy banks, VHS copies of Porky's, Porky's II, and Porky's III: Porky's Revenge.

4) Get bird flu.

5) Run out in the streets screaming and flailing your arms. This will eliminate any chance of person-to-person transmission of the virus (or person-to-person dating).

6) Twite a tweet on twitter twabout twaking a twip two twee twour twoctor twor a twu twaccine.

7) Write a passionately worded letter to your congressman (or congresswoman) explaining how you are just trying to help by sending them a vial of what may or may not be the swine flu virus. They will appreciate this.

8) Throw tea in the nearest body of water. Everybody's doing it, so it must be good for something, right? I mean, it's not like they're just being mindless dittoheads feigning rage and carrying out a completely meaningless protest devoid of even the slightest understanding of symbolism...

9) Be an ass. People will avoid you.

10) Saran wrap. All over your body.

Your Friendly Guide to Robots' guide to avoiding the inevitable robot uprising.

you can't.

suckers.

Earth Day post.

Your Friendly Guide to Robots' List of Earth Day Activities:

1) Buy a Prius. Seriously. I promise the 2010 Prius isn't a transformer that will transform into a giant robot programed to lecture you on low-flow shower heads.... before enslaving the human race. I promise.

2) Compost... something. It doesn't matter what. Compost your neighbor's dog. Every time you compost something, a polar bear doesn't die. You don't want to kill polar bears, DO YOU?

3) Solve Global Warming. We'd all really appreciate it if you got on that one right away.

4) Don't shave. 364 days a year: you're lazy. 1 day a year: you're conserving water.

5) Give a slide show. You're going to want to get yourself a copy of Keynote (part of the 2009 iWork suite), put together a few dozen dramatic slides, then tour the country. I guarantee you'll win an Oscar, Nobel Prize, Grammy, Emmy, Pulitzer, and World's Greatest Dad... but not the Presidency. Sorry.

6) Recycle. Reusing old jokes counts, too.

7) Convert your cat's personal Hummer H2 to run on biofuel. Listen, house cats are our nation's number one consumer of petroleum products. It's time we woke up and did something about this.

8) Make a lame list. Double points if you make it about stuff to do on Earth day at 8:00 PM, when it is the least relevant. Triple points if you type everything in green.

9) Struggle to come up with a list of 10 things when you're tired and aren't really in a particularly witty mood... when you're just doing this because you feel like you should post something seeing as it's been about a month since you've last posted. You're really not very good at this blogging thing, are you?

10) Plant some organic tomatoes. Delicious.

New from The Weather Channel: 15 minute updates online.

Ladies and Gentlemen:

I would like to introduce to you the latest innovation in weather obsession: the weather channel 15 minute forecast. Tired of having to schedule your life around the weather on an hourly basis? Need to know if that rain is going to start at 8:30 or 8:45? Well, the good folks at weather.com have the solution.

Now, instead of TWC being wrong about sunny skies from 8 AM to 9 AM, they can be wrong about sunny skies at 8:00, 8:15, 8:30, 8:45, and 9:00!

Innovation is great!

comedy jokes--UCB takes on Prius backlash

The Upright Citizens Brigade (sketch comedy/improv troupe) in a fake car ad.

PS: Buy a prius.

Latest Casualty of the Economic Crisis? I hope so!

I'm not one to wish doom on anyone (other than, perhaps, Howie Mandel--as indicated in the previous post.... or Rush Limbaugh--as will most likely be indicated in a future post/daily conversation/cries of anger in my sleep). Today, though, I'm making an exception.

In these hard economic times, we don't know which hallowed financial institution will be next to fail. Will it be CitiGroup? Bank of America? What about Charles Schwab? I hope it's Charles Schwab. No, my ill will towards Charlie S has nothing to do with their investing practices (which I know nothing about), their management, their employees... I'm not even suggesting the Charles Schwab Corporation is in trouble. No, I want Chuck to go away because I simply can't bear to watch their commercials any more. ugh.

Seriously. They're really creepy. I think you will all agree.

That is NOT "Howie" do it...

Listen, Howie Mandel... I was okay with you hosting deal vs deal, or who wants to be a banker... or whatever the hell that show was called.... but your latest endeavour? Please stop.

thanks.

Oh, and I did spell "endeavour" with a u. That's how strongly I feel about this issue.

Stop. just stop. Now.

thanks again.

I'll stimulate YOUR economy

Dear Republicans:

I know a lot of you are worked up about this stimulus package, going on about how it will be a "disaster" and calling it the "greatest theft perpetrated on our future generations."  With all due respect, shut up.  Thanks.

Listen.  You guys do know that you lost, right?  Usually, that's a sign that people are, um, upset with what you've been doing.  Namely, your policies.  They suck.  I know you like tax cuts... especially when they go to rich people.  But, tax cuts don't stimulate the economy.  70% of our GDP is consumer spending.  Consumers aren't spending, banks aren't lending.  People have lost jobs, and lost savings.  Sometimes, you need the government to act when consumers won't.  

Let me give you an example:

Imagine you're a.... plumber.  You're having some tough times.  Sure, you've been able to supplement your income by moonlighting as a political anylist (as all plumbers do from time to time), but you're still having trouble paying the bills... so you have to lay-off one of your workers... let's call him, Bill the Unemployed.

Bill has a family of 4 (Jane the Wife, Jimmie the Boy, Suzie the Q... oh, and Juanita the Undocumented Housekeeper).  Jane the Wife, a teacher at a public school, is now the sole bread-winner for the family (everybody likes winning bread).  But, because she's a teacher--and school funding is for commies--she doesn't make enough to feed her family.  Sad, I know.

Then, one day Bill gets a check in the mail.  It's a tax refund.  Now, Bill could use this $300 to buy that Blu-Ray player he wanted.  OR, Bill could save it to offset the pension that he now no longer has.  Which do you think Bill is going choose?

See, therein lies the problem with tax cuts as an economic stimulus.  Tax cuts only work to stimulate the economy if the tax cut is spent by the consumers, and not saved/used to pay off debt.  Last spring, only about a third of Bush's tax rebate was actually spent.  Not a very effective stimulus, is it?

What about business tax cuts?

Let's say you're... um... someone who owns a store that sells annoying political cliches.  You get a tax break from the government to expand your cliche business.  Just one problem: no one is buying your annoying political cliches?  Are you going to take that tax money, expand your business, hire more people, and make more annoying political cliches that no one wants to buy?  Not if you actually plan to stay in business.  Supply and demand, boys... Supply and demand.

See, tax cuts don't work.  They sure do make you feel warm and fuzzy inside (and a payroll tax reduction , but they don't stimulate an ailing economy.

So what should we do?  How about we take the opportunity to rebuild some schools?  Making buildings more energy efficient would be a great idea, AND it would save money in the long run.  Oh, you know that energy crisis thing?  Man, wouldn't it be great if there were someone out there to pay people to make windmills and solar panels?

Look, John Maynard Keynes was right, and you're wrong.  Deal with it.  Spend money now, when no one else can... You might just save what little economy we have left, and make America a better place along the way.

Dear Match.com...

Dear Match.com:

This letter is in regards to the "your new matches" e-mail sent at 1:06 AM on Thrusday, the 29th of January.

In this e-mail, you provided the usernames and pictures of a number of no doubt highly qualified matches, all of whom you ranked at higher than 80%.  I'm sure you saw some quality in each of these potential future Mrs Matt Deckers, and I appreciate the effort.  However, there is one so-called "match" that I must question.  Do you really, honestly, truly believe that NurseEmGOP is a 90% match?  Do you know me at all?

Let's analyze this...

1) Her username is NurseEmGOP.  Yes, GOP... as in "Grand Old Party."  The Republicans.  Team Elephant.  Gay for Regan.  Etc.  

Why would you even suggest that??

2) Now, let's delve a bit deeper into her profile.  Politics: Conservative.  My profile: Liberal.  Religion of her Ideal match: Christian (actually, she listed Christian/Catholic; Christian/LDS; Christian/Protestant; and Christian/Other.  That's very specific).  My religion: none!! She wants three kids.  I say I only want 1 (and even that is a stretch).  Her last read: a biography of Sarah Palin.  I reiterate, a biography of SARAH PALIN!  Just for kicks, let's see what I have listed.  I am America (and so can you) and The Audacity of Hope.  Really, Match.com?  Do you really think someone who read books by Stephen Colbert and Barack Obama would be interested in someone who found Sarah Palin interesting enough to read a book about her?

Match.com, I am very disappointed in you.  I thought you knew me.   If you're trying to get me back, Match.com, this isn't the way to do it.  We're through.  You can give up now.  

With Love,

Decker

PS: Really?  Sarah Palin?? Come on.

25 songs I kind of like: a list I made months ago and probably no longer agree with.

Several months ago, a friend (Linton) challenged me to make a list of my 25 favorite songs. Note: that's FAVORITE, not BEST. Songs on this list do not always represent the best of that artist's work.

Here's the list I came up with.

1) Norwegian Wood (the beatles)
2) Desolation Row (Bob Dylan)
3) 6 suites for cello - prelude (JS Bach, performed by Yo Yo Ma)
4) Superstition (Stevie Wonder)
5) Summertime Blues (The Who)
6) Love in Vein (The Rolling Stones)
7) 20th Century Fox (The Doors)
8) Short Skirt, Long Jacket (Cake)
9) 'Round Midnight (Miles Davis)
10) center of attention (guster)
11) Rhapsody in Blue (George Gershwin)
12) Sleeping in (the postal service)
13) Comes Love (Billie Holiday)
14) Mannish Boy (Muddy Waters)
15) Cowgirl in the Sand (Neil Young)
16) The Fitted Shirt (Spoon)
17) Tokyo Storm Warning (Elvis Costello)
18) Traveling Riverside Blues (Robert Johnson)
19) I'm not like everybody else (The Kinks)
20) Purple Haze (Kronos Quartet)
21) Why do you let me stay here (She and Him)*
22) When I Paint my Masterpiece (The Band)*
23) Hitchin' a Ride (Green Day)
24) Appalacia Waltz [entire album] (Yo Yo Ma, Mark O'Connor, Edgar Meyer)
25) I Just Wasn't Made for these Times (The Beach Boys)

Now let's be perfectly honest here. This list is crap. Sure, my top 7 are solid, but after that I was basically just trying to fill spaces. Do I honestly think "Why do you let me stay here" is better than "When I paint my masterpiece?" No. I wouldn't even say I like "why do you let me stay here" better than "When I paint my masterpiece." Let's fix that right now.

*Amended list:
21) When I Paint my Masterpiece (The Band)
22) Why do you let me stay here (She and Him)

Okay... and while I'm at it, let's move "I just wasn't made for these times" up a few spaces. Hmm... better. Now add "A Day in the Life" (The Beatles), "Tangled up in Blue" (Dylan), and "19th Nervous Breakdown" (Rolling Stones). Getting closer. Oh, and I'll also need the Hendrix cover of "All Along the Watchtower," Dvorak's Cello Concerto, The Who's "My Generation," "Something" by The Beatles... and the following albums: Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Highway 61 Revisited, Exile on Main St, and The Who: Live at Leeds.

Also... have you heard Fleet Foxes? They're really good.

sigh. I'm not very good at this.


Next up: The Movie Game. I'll probably get around to doing that sometime in July.