Office of the President Elect of the United States of America
Cabinet Appointee Questionnaire
1) Name:
2) Age:
3) Occupation:
4) Religion (select ONE):
A) Protestant
B) Catholic
C) Other
5) Secret Religion (select ONE):
A) Islam
6) Are you, or have you ever been, a member of the following (select all that apply)?
A) Democratic Party
B) Republican Party
C) Communist Party
D) Oprah's Book Club
E) Best Buy Rewards Program
7) With whom do you choose to pal around (select all that apply)?
A) Terrorists
B) Activists
C) Paris Hilton
D) Joe Lieberman
8) Community Organizers?
A) Like em
B) Love em
9) Please fill in the missing word: "God _____ America!"
A) Damn
B) Bless
C) Save
D) Hamburger
10) Are you married to William Jefferson Clinton?
A) Yes
B) No
C) It's complicated
11) If you were a tree, what kind would you be?
A) Sycamore
B) Oak
C) Maple
D) Christmas
12) When bitter, to what do you cling (select all that apply)?
A) Guns and religion
B) Prostitutes and cocaine
C) My teddy bear Mr. Snuffles
D) The U.S. Constitution
E) My fading ideals
13) Favorite Roosevelt:
A) Franklin
B) Theodore
14) Favorite Lincoln:
A) Abraham
B) Nebraska
C) Logs
15) Do you drive an America-made car?
A) Yes!
B) Yes. . .
C) Only when it is politically expedient to do so.
16) Africa is:
A) A country
B) A continent
17) Please indicate the quantity of sexual encounters you have had with the following groups in the past six months:
Women _____
Men _____
Transsexuals _____
Animals _____
Amoebae _____
Robots _____
18) Are you a:
A) PC
B) Mac
19) Which Name + Occupation best describes you (Select ONE)?
A) Joe the Plumber
B) Bob the Builder
C) Larry the Cable Guy
D) Thomas the Tank Engine
E) Mack the Knife
F) John the Loser
20) May we contact you with special offers and third-party promotions?
A) Yes
B) No
